I was really
blown away reading this "church gunman's" letter. Instead of giving a well-thought out manifesto of why these Christians must die, Matthew Murray spent a page and half lamenting before going out to shoot some church members and then commit suicide. The parallels to the Old Testament just jump out at you:"Why didn't you ever answer my cries for help? Why do I have to be hurt by so many Christians?"
"Why couldn't you write your damn book more clearly?"
"Am I too lost to be saved? My soul cries for deliverance. I'm dieing (sp), praying, bleeding and screaming. Will I be denied???"
What we see in this letter is simply a loss of faith. This is the pain and torment we see when the light of hope gets extinguished in someone's life. When you desperately need answers, yet none arrive, what's left but death?
What do we do with this letter? Was he right? Is there no way we
will ever get answers to the questions we seek? Is God causing us pain and anguish? Are all Christians hypocritical to the point of driving people to these extremes? To quote the letter, "WHAT IS THE TRUTH?!"The shocking reality of Christianity is that it is not based on objective truths. I am of the opinion that the Bible is not a completely literal and infallible truth. We can't throw Matthew a Bible verse, tell him this is truth, and all will be ok. We MUST let our faith be the focal point of our lives. God grants us faith and through this faith we can interpret Scripture and how God is working in this world.
Thus, based in this faith, I would say we have ultimate Christian ideals that should be guiding our every action. These ideals are rooted in love and lived out in our relationships. Christianity is not a rulebook by which we can tell people what they should and shouldn't do. Christianity is a living relationship through which we enact our grateful lives of loving obedience.
Therein lies our problem in America. Our Christianity is teaching people to do certain things and they will get certain results. Its the consumerism Christianity. I am afraid that Matthew was a victim of this consumerism Christianity. What happens to those people whom we tell will get rewards for doing good things? When these rewards and answers don't come they begin to question if they are really living right. Questions turn into blame. Blame turns into hate. It's an ugly thing.
Prophetically, I read this news article about Matthew's letter as I was writing a Hebrew exegesis paper on Micah 6:3-8. I found the parallels to be shocking. Here's my translation:
3 My people, what have I done to you and how have I made you weary ? Testify against me ! 4 For I have brought you up from the land of Egypt and the house of slavery . I have ransomed you and I sent before you Moses, Aaron, and Miriam. 5 My people, please remember what advised Balak, King of Moab, what Balaam son of Beor answered him, and your passage from Shittim unto Gilgal, in order that you would know the righteous acts of the LORD . 6 With what shall I come in front of the Lord? Shall I bow myself to God on high ? Shall I come in front of him with burnt offerings or with calves a year old ? 7 Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams; with ten thousand streams of oil? Shall I give my firstborn for my transgressions; the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? 8 He has declared to you, oh mortal, what is good and what the LORD demands of you; only to do justice, love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.
The last verse, the most common one, is the kicker. The author of this passage, speaking for a humanity that was losing hope in God, begs God to give him truth and answers to how to live right. Matthew Murray was in this position: weary with God and begging for truth...
God's answer is one that stands beyond and above time. The answer is one that all humans everywhere ascribe to in some form or another. The answer is not a list of 'do this and get that.' Despite the authors attempts in verses 6 and 7, there is no hint of consumerist Christianity in this answer. The answer is prefaced by the word that God loves and saves his children - we have no room or place to question God's sovereign plan.
The answer is threefold: do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with your God. Justice means fighting for the life and dignity of all people. Kindness (hesed in Hebrew) refers to the essence of living in loving relationships with other humans. Walking humbly is self explanatory. Going back to what faith means, we must simply trust in God's will and that he loves us no matter what. Martin Luther struggled to attain answers and favor from God and it nearly drove him crazy. He came to a similar conclusion, that there is nothing but faith and grace alone to save us.
God does not wish this pain on Matthew, I am certain of that. The world as it is now, painful and seemingly hopeless, can bring down the best of us. We have no response but what we know as humans and profess as Christians.
We must preach this love and embody this relational God instead of this consumer God that is destroying the essence of our faith. I truly with Matthew could have experienced this relational God more fully. I wish he could have kept faith and hope in God's unfailing love.
